An Anecdote: By Beau "Yum Yum Watch Yo Snacks" Taylor

Writing is not my forte… but as the great Kevin Mcalister once said…. “ill give it a whirl.”….
Many of you probably know Matt Gandolfo as the nice, happy go lucky, charismatic guy that he pretends to be. A select few of us ( Cresca’ Estates tenets) know Matt Gandolfo as the Emperor of Back Stabbers or Mr. Fake nice guy or his most common alias, Judas. I could sit here and write all day about why Judas is a great cure for anyone’s will to live…. A) because I suck at writing and it takes me 5X longer than most people………B) because Matt has been stabbing and twisting knives in peoples vertebrae for quite sometime now.
*** I am sitting next to Judas right now in the car and he caught wind about me telling this anecdote and he just calmly whispered into my ear “Don’t start anything you can’t finish.” Then he gave me a very creepy wink. This is a common terror tactic he uses. IF you are reading this that means I used my shiftiness and evaded his plan not to get this post on the blog at the small cost of another knife in my back and/or relatives back. ****
I am a tough kid; I got thick skin; I have become immune to Judas’s incessant onslaught of verbal daggers, or at least so I thought. A Vietnam vet wouldn’t have been mentally prepared for the sadistic behavior Matt showed on Sunday, March 1st.
Thursday, February 19th ……. It all started when we took the initial trek to Birmingham. We were jibber jabbing about our favorite fast food establishments, when myself, Simple Adam and AK47 agreed upon Taco Bell being a premier player in the fast food game. It is a known fact that Matt hates Taco Bell. The only reason he hates it, by the way, is because it has more than two ingredients in its meals…. Matt hasn’t grown out of the cut my crust off and I want everything plain stage of his life yet. So Simple Adam, AK47, Judas, and I all agreed that it was time for Judas to expand his horizons and welcome Taco Bell into his life. The plan was that myself, Simple Adam and AK47 would all purchase Judas our favorite thing off Tacos Bell’s menu. So it was settled Matt had given us his word to give Taco Bell a whirl next time we went there….….. At this point in the trip I believe is when Judas started to conjure up his sick plan.
Sunday, March 1st… The Day started out normal enough with the four of us lying around Logan’s living room, Adam was watching the Loserville Retardnals put a hurting on the Golden eagles, I was thinking about where to eat lunch, AK47 was eating Peanut Butter Ranch and chip sandwich and calling that his lunch, and Matt was sharpening his knives. Once the ReCards went in for halftime Adams mind had shifted to food, AK47 realized that his deece sandwich wouldn’t suffice, and Judas’s Daggers were ready to be cast. Immediately, Simple Adam, AK47 and I all knew we were thinking outside the bun. Judas’s sudden realization that today was his day to make good with taco bell made him shake like an epileptic in a strobe light. To Judas’s credit he did get in the car with the plan of trying TBell. While in the car on the way to the Bell Judas started laying his ground work. Three minutes into the trip Matt had backed out of letting us order for him and convinced us to let him order for himself. That to me seemed fine because I no longer had to pay for it, and it was nice to see the young man taking some initiative. So me, Judas and AK47 ( who is not all the way familiar with Judas’s ways yet) walk into Taco Beazy. I was filled with glee because I thought we were about to witness the beginnings of a long and prosperous relationship between Matt and The Bell. Hopes of him ordering a Crunchwrap and a Nacho Supreme were dancing in my head. He walked up to the counter and AK47 and I payed close attention, then those words came out of his mouth, words that will forever be engrained in my memory. “Can I have a PH2?” A PH What? Me and AK looked at eachother like Matt was saddle bagging us the whole time and was such a patron of Taco Bell that he had his own order….. As I turned my back on Judas and looked up at the menu I felt the first dagger go in… I realized that we were at a Pizza Hut Taco Bell combo guard, and Judas had just ordered solely off the Pizza Hut menu…. No crunchwrap, no nacho supreme, no cheesy beefy burrito, nothing but a $6.00 personal pan pizza and some bread sticks. I could deal with this pain, I had felt it many times before being around Judas so much, but the look in my man AK47’s eyes was gut wrenching. It was like everything he had known to be right with this world was swept out from under him. All I could do was be his shoulder to cry on and rub iodine on the cuts on his back……..
We dined in and the only sounds were heard during lunch were the sounds of AK47s heart breaking and the Cops voice from the Junkyard in Sandlot (Squintz’s great great grandfather) saying PH2….PH2. **** I am putting this part in here only so Judas cant complain… after he ate his PH2 and I went back to the counter to get Simple Adam a to go order. Judas had the audacity to ask me to order him a quesadilla. I laughed in his face. If I have taken this too far I’m sorry… This post was really just a chance for me to vent. Judas is going to attempt a witty rebuttal to this post for sure, he may turn some of you lesser intelligent readers against me….. but that’s fine cause one day he will stab you in the back.

Beau Beckman